Anxious

i get mildly anxious about a lot of things. being late. a messy room. merging on to the highway. but this mild anxiety is nothing compared to what happens to me when i fly. it used to be that even going to an airport to pick someone up or drop them off would land me sick in the bathroom and unable to eat. now i don’t as often get sick before flying, but takeoff, any mild to major turbulence, and landing cause me to often flip my shit. actually landing is the best part because i at least know land is getting closer. even a shift in engine power freaks me out, i think that the plane’s lost an engine and we’re about to go down. but turbulence especially has gotten me to the point that i will literally sob from fear. this is not a fun state to be in. it’s a completely irrational fear, i know, but it just wins every time. but this time, when i fly to boston this weekend, i have a little pharmaceutical friend. this minor tranq will hopefully keep me from losing it, for once, and make this a much more enjoyable trip. i’m kind of excited to take medication, for the first time in a while. everyone, cross your fingers for me.

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