Happy Valentine’s From the Reverend

Pete: we can sexy chat, then
me: oh sure
Pete: whee !
I slowly tickle the back of your knee….
me: that’s an interesting start
Pete: ha
I do a color change on your toe nails..
burgundy red
me: nice….
Pete: then I slowly move up…and put your hair in pig tails.
me: i am your doll now?
Pete: I apply base, then rouge and lipstick.
then i ever so slowly… .put a watch on your wrist (ohhhh yeaa)
me: you are definitely nuts
Pete: ha
I gently stencil my name in Henna ink across your lower back.
too much?
fawn 😦
me: no i like the henna
Pete: I then bend you over….and arrange various slices of oranges, apples, kiwis, and pineapple in a star pattern on your bare skin.
me: i think you need to get to the doctor sooner rather than later
Pete: I then take two bagels (one sun dried tomato, one wheat), slice them into bite size pieces, and rain them down upon us both.
me: sounds very breakfasty of us
Pete: a piece of cheesecake materializes….I put half the piece in your mouth…and the other I put aside for later.
Bringing forth a pack of Sour Patch Kids, I arrange a bonanza of flavors in your luxurious hair.
me: i’m going to publish this on my blog
Pete: Absorbed with passion, you tear my shirt clean off…..whereupon a turkey sandwich and a dill pickle slice (both of which I’d been saving for a late afternoon snack) pour out.
You delicately yet forcefully draw a smiley face in mustard on my chest, then accent it with a ketchup hairdo, reminiscent of Raggedy Andy. We chuckle about Raggedy Andy.
me: you’re certifiable
Pete: I take two Jelly Belly jelly beans (both popcorn flavor, of course), and insert them ever….so….slowly….into your ears.
Then I sing the Canadian National Anthem, though you cannot hear and do not understand my marching about.
As my excitement builds, I tear into a box of Fire Roasted Garlic Triscuits and toss them, from a distance of seven feet, across the room at you….with every hit I shudder with lust.
You Scream my name aloud!! I….apologize for an errant triscuit toss into your right eye.
We then steamily embrace atop bagel pieces, turkey, dill pickle, sour patch kids, triscuits, the saved piece of cheesecake, ketchup, and mustard; we then launch into an A Capella version of Scott Joplin’s “The Entertainer”
Both thoroughly spent, we dress in matching grey overcoats, oversized sunglasses, galoshes, and exit to play in the rain.
[The Fulfilling End]
Was it good for you?
me: wonderful
i’m really going to publish this


5 thoughts on “Happy Valentine’s From the Reverend

  1. Sarah says:

    I’m feeling very uncomfortable… There are just certain things children shouldn’t share with their mother….

  2. Pete says:

    I’m feeling fairly comfortable. What’s not comfortable about a fun food fight every now and again?

    Seriously, though, sorry about that triscuit eye shot…

  3. Sarah says:

    I’m a little concerned about the fruit salad.

  4. Anonymous says:


  5. trailerparkbarbie says:

    Pete sounds like he’s starving. Maybe, I should mail him some McDonalds coupons.

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