since i spent some time this week detailing my particular affinity for forms, calendars, and address books, i figured it’s only fair to reveal one of the reverend’s addictions. rather than inanimate objects, the reverend loves nothing more than the luxury world of hotel living. reading chuck klosterman’s book killing yourself to live: 85% of a true story, a few lines jumped out at me, their relevancy causing me to frantically text them to the rev:
“Hotel showers are flawless. Within the realm of your hotel shower, you are an emperor. A tyrant! Everything is designed solely for you: one little bar of soap, one little bottle of shampoo, and a circular heating lamp stationed above your skull.“
his reply? “huh?” i had to then explain that this was him, via klosterman. pete feels all-powerful in hotels, and makes sure to break in every room we’ve stayed in in a systematic manner: first comes jumping on the bed. then standing up, then leaping spread-eagled, face down, into a bed belly flop. that accomplished, he fiddles with the air conditioning to bring it to his ideal temperature. he opens and closes the blinds, opens all of the drawers, turns on the tv (which becomes the constant noise backdrop to the room, as he feels no need to turn it off – “we’re not paying for it!”), fills water from the faucet, gets ice unnecessarily from the ice machine, and examines all of the freebies while contemplating requesting more from the front desk. he uses every towel (or at least, the ones he doesn’t allegedly steal) during our stay. he positively destroys the room, stopping short of rock star levels of destruction but nonetheless leaving quite the job for our poor maids. he loves sitting in bed to watch tv, stacking 17 pillows behind him and around him, happily flipping through hotel tv channels that are somehow significantly more entrancing than normal world tv. he is the emperor in his little hotel dominion, and if he could i am sure he would live in the lap of luxury with a squadron of room service minions at his beck & call. unfortunately, i do not respond to bells. he’s tried.