i’m going to give you a secret about him tonight, AND a secret i hold near and dear to my daily life.
his secret is something that used to bother me a bit (there was a scene in a starbucks with an agressive barista, for instance), but i am working on my gut reaction to stomp away in anger. the man is a compulsive flirt. any girl that is our cashier, waitress, clerk, assistant, ANYTHING, he shifts into this uber-suave alter ego that he genuinely believes does not exist. a physical change comes over him – my best attempt at a description is that he kind of leans slightly back so he looks more down at her, angles his head a different way, and manages to simultaneously look up at her so she can admire his luxurious eyelashes and very blue blue eyes. his voice changes, becomes softer and a bit more seductive, and he always says “thankssomuch” quickly but with a big eye-corner-crinkling grin tacked on to seal the deal, with a half second too long of eye contact. he (so he says) has NO CLUE he does this. he thinks he is being polite. i think he is trying to score some extra ass on the side. or something. he can’t help but turn on the charm, and i’ve even seen him do it with guys. just sayin.
and as for my secret, i am going to share with you my patented Flawless Manicure Technique. it is a kind of lazy technique, as it involves an entire night’s sleep…basically you paint your nails several hours before bed to allow for proper polish setting (you do not want the thread count of your sheets to be visibly imprinted on your nails). go crazy, get it all over your skin, who cares? then, sleep. next, wake up for your morning shower. i personally always shower in this order: shampoo, rinse, conditioner, soap, shave, rinse conditioner. i do the first three stages of my shower (or four if i’m feeling rebellious, five if i’ve gone crazy) and then take a nail break. by this point your fingers are seriously hydrated and soft, and i use my own (dry and smoothly polished) nails to scrape around the edges of my nail beds to remove excess polish from the previous night’s messy manicure. it peels right off thanks to the various soapy chemicals and hot hot water you’ve been soaking them in, and you come away with a professional-looking manicure that no one ever knew was a red hot mess. and bonus: by taking a few extra minutes to work on your nails in the shower, you let your conditioner soak your hair for an extra amount of time and come out with glossy hair. you’re welcome.