Conspiracy Theorist

driving together somewhere the other night, the rev and i happened upon one of my many half-baked semi-believed conspiracy theories, and i continued to share some of my others.  for your perusal, and his hilarity:

– gas for our cars is a myth.  it is really just water or some benign chemical that the government makes us spend a billion dollars on for nothing, and helps them create enemies for us to hate/fight/woo, orwell’s 1984 style.  our cars have been fuel-free for decades.

– when you go on a roadtrip and get on the highway, you are not actually moving.  everything rotates past you, as if you were standing on the top of a large hamster ball and while you were affixed, everything else gets pushed past you (maybe by millions of hamsters?  who knows…)  it always reminds me of that technique you see in movies where they warp the lens to make it seem like all of the world comes rushing at a person at once, to come to a jarring halt.

– same deal with flying.  it’s all simulated.

– my most recent, conceived of when i was in a half-awake state: there is a parallel universe consisting of everyone living out their dreams (and not dreams in the metaphorical sense but literally what you dream on a nightly basis).  we poof in and out of that life to observe it or sometimes act in it, but our existences there are far briefer than the ones we have here.  and for some reason i never panic about leaving that world.  just this one.

those are my biggest conspiracy theories.  i guess the last one isn’t so much conspiracy as pseudo-philosophical.  either way, i know they’re insane, but maybe they aren’t – maybe they’re possible.  who’s to say, really?


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