this week marks 28 months of the rev and i together, and next week marks 18 months of living together. this is astounding. where did the time go?
i think there are several factors in what makes us successful as a couple, and to me, most of them are pretty basic things that some couples seem to forget or just not know. here’s my list of important, vital, relationship-sustaining things:
– laugh together, laugh often.
– enjoy each other.
– touch. we hold hands everywhere we go, we’re physically present with each other. a hand on the back, a quick neck rub, whatever.
– revel in the successes of the other person and always aim to build them up rather than tear them down.
– spend time apart, even if it’s just going out to dinner with other friends or working long hours. this gives you more to talk about when you’re back together, and stories to tell.
– don’t make your world two-people small. go out with your friends, often.
– be appreciative and show it.
– be yourselves with each other. your complete, true, goofy selves.
– put your cell phones down when you’re out together. no, really, stop texting. stop it. STOP IT.
– little treats for each other go a long way. flowers here, small bar of a favorite dark chocolate there. same with little favors – feeding the dog, taking the trash to the curb, etc.
– be proactive in the things you like to do for each other and the other things will fall into place. i like doing laundry and straightening up, he likes to cook and run with the dog. everything gets taken care of.
– do not, even if you are married, share money. i have never, ever, ever seen that go well. one bank account for strictly bills, that’s fine, as long as you each have your own accounts. i do not want to be held accountable for indulging occasionally, and neither does he. as long as the bills get paid, who cares?
that’s the big stuff, at least for us. it doesn’t hurt to enjoy a lot of the same things (scrabble, documentaries, quirky comedies, NPR, etc.), either. we just get so sick and sad over seeing so many couples out and about who don’t hold hands, don’t communicate, don’t even look at each other when they’re out in the world. WHY would you be with someone if you’re just miserable all the time? a relationship’s supposed to enhance, not detract, from your enjoyment of life. everyone’s had those awful “learning” relationships, and we’re all glad to be on this side of them. i guess all i want to say is, don’t let yourself fall into a similar trap next time but demand more for yourself. you’re worth it!